i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
