we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You're like the curious george of whores
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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