It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
