so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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