Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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