Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
