you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
