You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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