Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
