Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
