It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
