I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
