dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
