wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
