My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
