sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
should my penis look like a turkey
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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