So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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