what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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