New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
