It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
