Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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