I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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