he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
