I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
