ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
