oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
