the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
