...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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