Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
