dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
