what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
