dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
