I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
