I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
