i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
