they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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