Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
