this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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