Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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