i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
