You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
pray to the hookup gods
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
