I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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