Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
