Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
