If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
