This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
