i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
