I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
