Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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