i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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