It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
