Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
