so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
