How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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