I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
