I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
