You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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